More Barsetshire Diary (Barsetshire Diaries) Page 4

  Rather taken aback I shook the offered hand and moved to the side to allow them both indoors. As we went through to the lounge Lady J came forward to give Ysabel a hug and did the same for the now de-hooded Hugo, whilst never batting an eye at his style of dress.

  “Right” I ventured, “you're here and now it's time to move. I haven't booked anywhere but I'm sure we'll get in at the Foggy Lake in Lock.”

  We trooped out to the car and with Lady J as driver we took our seats and closed the doors.

  “You'll have to wait to be let out at the other end Hugo as there are child locks in the back,” I told him.

  “I understand sir” he responded.

  “We'll use the windows if you're not quick enough daddy,” quipped Ysabel.

  The countryside looked beautiful in its autumnal colours and the journey seemed to pass quite quickly with a lot of laughter coming from the back seat. We pulled in at Foggy Lake and parked the car. Lady J and I opened a back door each and let the children out. We all walked over the bridge at the edge of the lake that gave the place its name. Hugo's hood was now back up as we approached the front door and delightful chap though he seemed I knew it would be ages before I could adjust to the style of dress. I was afraid he would stand out like a sore thumb in a little backwater like ours.

  My leg was giving me a little gyp today so I was using my crutches. Hugo opened the door for me. I thanked him and entered... Hell! There were skeletons, ghosts, witches and even a large black robed monk. Of course! The penny dropped, all Hallows Eve. It was Lady J, myself and Ysabel that now stood out with our dress as we all took a seat in the dining room. A nearby goblin approached with the menu and took our order for drinks.

  “I'm delighted to see no stewed eyeballs on the menu,” said Hugo.

  “Oh, they must have washed them off then,” I quipped.

  “Yoo Hoo,” I heard and saw Lady J stand up. “Why hello” she said with a smile.

  “Allo darlin, ow are you” said a rusty nail kind of voice. I smiled in recognition as I saw Lady J hugging someone. It was Penelope Connor with her husband Phelan, a nice couple who ran a local stud, breeding some of the best Palomino horses.

  “Hello old chap,” said Phelan, “is this a private party or can anyone join?”

  “Join us with pleasure” I said, “may I introduce Hugo, a friend of Ysabel's. Hugo, these are Penelope and Phelan, friends of ours.”

  Hood off again now Hugo stood and just said “Delighted,” before shaking Phelan's hand and sitting down again. Penelope and Lady J were still entangled mid hug and talking horses ten to the dozen. They finally disentangled and sat. Penelope sat to the other side of Hugo and leaned over to give him a peck on the cheek.

  “Lovely to meet you darlin, and hello David and Ysabel.”

  The goblin reappeared with our drinks and after taking orders from our newcomers asked if we were ready to order lunch. We were and we did.

  Over lunch I was afraid that all the horse talk might bore Hugo but he surprised me again by not just joining in but was seemingly full of knowledge on the subject. I reprimanded myself quietly for allowing his style of dress to give me preconceived notions about him. Ysabel to my left leaned in and asked “So what do you think of him daddy?”

  “Very nice sweetie,” I replied, “he'll make an excellent butler, he's hired!”

  “Oh daddy you're terrible” she said quietly and smiled.

  After lunch the party broke up and Lady J was giving assurances that she'd pay a visit soon to see a new foal called Stockings.

  With final hugs and handshakes over, we left.

  At home Ysabel and Hugo stayed long enough for a cup of tea before leaving to go out with friends to a themed Halloween party.

  Lady J and I relaxed companionably in the lounge after they'd gone.

  I was musing about the day when Julia suddenly said to me "They'll make beautiful babies together."

  Startled I asked “Do you think it's that serious my dear?”

  “Watch this space” she responded.

  Monday, November 1, 2010

  The Squadron Leader’s Organ

  Oscar decided this morning to get rid of the competition. There was obviously a plan to get Lady J all to himself. At about 6.00 am I woke and found myself gasping for breath. Unfortunately there wasn't any and it felt like I was labouring under a great weight. It turned out I was.

  Oscar had lain fully across my face and despite my desperate wriggling seemed reluctant to move. I sat up quickly but the mask didn't move far as he was now hanging on for grim death... mine.

  Eventually my head shaking caused him to lose his grip and he fell to the bed. He glanced at me with such a look of derision as he stood upright, jumped off the bed and slunk away. I pulled the air into my lungs with deep draughts until I could breathe freely again. Fully awake now, there was no chance of falling asleep again and I wasn't sure I dared risk it anyway. I put my slippers on and headed to the kitchen for a coffee. Sitting on the work surface next to the kettle when I turned the light on was Oscar. I swear it was an attempt to scare me to death. Grumpily I waved him away and put sugar and coffee in my cup. I turned to get milk from the fridge and there he was again right between my feet. Down I went. I crawled the few feet to the fridge for the milk and got some fresh cooked chicken which I placed on a saucer in a corner.

  With a hmph sound, Oscar followed the hand with the chicken and started eating which gave me chance to put the milk in my mug and return the rest to the fridge.

  By 7.00 am I think we were friends again.

  As I took my coffee through to the lounge Lady J came through.

  “Morning my dear, Happy Anniversary, everything is in your mug bar the water” I said.

  “Happy Anniversary dear” she said “I thought there was a drought on when you didn't bring me one through.”

  I prayed silently that I couldn't see a pattern emerging for my day.

  At about 9.00 am Lady J suggested we take the Squadron Leader , as we called her father, out for a ride before the weather turned too cold.

  “What a good idea” I said, “It'll be nice for him.”

  Another coffee, shower, dressed and a quick phone call to the home to prepare him for our visit and we were off. We arrived quickly and found him pacing the hallway by the front door looking at his watch. I opened the door expecting a dressing down for our tardiness but his face lit up at the sight of Lady J.

  “Hello both,” he said, “I've been looking forward to your arrival, I think my watch needs to go for repair, it's not working again.”

  “May I take a look for you father?” I asked, gently removing it from his wrist. Turning my back to him slightly I gave it a tentative wind and the second hand moved nicely. I put it right, completed winding it up and placed it back on his wrist.

  “Marvellous David,” he said, “You have a real talent for this.”

  “Actually father, I think perhaps you just carry too much static sometimes. If it happens again, just ask a member of staff to take a look at it for you off your wrist.”

  I just hoped whoever it was he asked, realised he thought it was battery driven and wound it up carefully out of sight.

  “Well come on daddy,” said Lady J, “let's get moving.”

  I helped him into the car and off we went.

  “Can we stop somewhere to buy a record?” he asked.

  “Of course daddy, there's a big store not too far away,” said Lady J turning into the local Safesure car park. It was quite crowded inside so as we reached the music department Lady J suggested I stand in the queue while she kept an eye on her father. I agreed and joined the queue at the counter. As I got closer to the front I realised I had no idea what he wanted and as quietly as I could I called out to him.

  “Oh” he said quite loudly, “see if they have anything by that chap with the large organ. You know, the one with the ballroom,” A hush descended where moments ago there had been noise.

  I cringed and turned t
o the counter where it was my turn to be served. “Please” I begged the assistant. “Have you any CD's by Reginald Dixon who played the Wurlitzer Organ at the Blackpool Tower ballroom.”

  The silence was replaced by titters, chuckles and outright laughter and I felt my face redden. I almost snatched the case from the assistant as I paid her and turning away said ”Just put the change in a charity box please.”

  Lady J and the Squadron Leader caught up with me by the entrance. “A remarkable turn of speed for a man on crutches” she said with a big grin.

  Back in the car I placed the CD in a Walkman and placed the earphones on the head of Lady J's father allowing her to burst into laughter she had obviously been holding back.

  “I didn't know that deep a shade of red existed David, I'll have to embarrass you next time I want to buy curtains that shade.”

  Her father was oblivious to the mayhem he could cause and just hummed along to his music.

  We arrived at Flutterbys where we were greeted as usual by Hattie who gave the Squadron Leader a hug and a kiss which as usual he received as his due, though in fact he didn't remember her from one visit to the next. As we all sat down, Jools the wonderful cook came out and told us the day's specials.

  A good hearty snake and pygmy pudding with creamed mash appealed to me. Lady J settled on some grilled plaice with sauté potatoes. Her father looked at the menu and started to say he'd have a steak when Lady J said “He'll have home baked ham with two boiled potatoes and a few peas please Jools. He loves steak but can't chew it these days.”

  Jools smiled and moved away saying how nice it was to see us all again.

  Father said “I used to eat spam in the war you know and we used to shoot tins of it out of a mortar to the natives in Egypt.”

  This left us all totally confused but not silly enough to ask for explanations.

  As we finished the main meal Hattie brought some puddings over.

  “I want to try these new recipes out on you,” she told us passing a dish of plantain cake and custard over to father, a helping of baked Alaska made with raspberry ice cream to Lady J and with a wink to me she passed a piece of my favourite dark chocolate hot fudge cake with cream.

  “Sorry David” she said, “I only had two new recipes to try.” I sent silent blessings in her direction.

  After settling the bill we decided to head for a garden centre where there was a large selection of fish on display. They also sell gifts and a good display of household items so it would be nice and relaxing to walk round.

  I was eyeing up some beautiful art nouveau side tables when I heard “Damn it, I've lost him,” from Lady J. Turning round I saw her father was nowhere in sight.

  “Well, he can't get into trouble in here,” I said and started to look for him.

  After fifteen minutes and almost at the point of panic I noticed a flicker of movement beside a large display of blue planters.

  Heavens, if only the man would wear a white shirt instead of his air force blue clothing once in a while. He blended in too well where there was anything blue. But there he was leaning over a pond full of koi carp with one arm in the water. As Lady J and I approached he said “Used to tickle the trout like this to catch 'em in my day.” Seeing a worried looking member of staff heading in our direction, I returned the two he'd already caught back to their tank, took him in hand and beat a hasty retreat.

  After a short stop on the coast for an ice cream we took him back to the home. He seemed tired but happy. As we settled him in his room, he donned the earphones again then glanced up and as if noticing us for the first time said “My daughter's coming to take me out today you know.”

  We came home again and I decided to answer my mail, declining to send Psychic Sigourney a fee to find out the wonderful secrets she knew about my future. After all, with a bit of patience and if I waited long enough I'd know the secrets myself wouldn't I?

  I shuddered at a message from Edna Arbuthnott asking to meet me to get an idea of what I'd expect from her on the campaign trail and if there was anything I could suggest she do to help herself during the Christmas period. Before suggesting the best thing she could do was stay indoors and keep quiet I decided to answer her at a later date.

  After finishing I went through to the lounge. Lady J asked “Would you like a little music while you read dear?”

  “That would be lovely” I replied, “but nothing by the man with the big organ please.”

  Tuesday, November 2, 2010

  Edna Visits

  Oscar was on his best behaviour this morning. My visit was not until 7.00 am and he just lay high on my chest with a cold nose in my right eye socket and both paws alternately batting my cheeks until I stroked him. I allowed him ten minutes or so and then I sat up so he slowly slid down my chest into my lap. His face showing disgust, he stuck his head and tail in the air, jumped off the bed and walked off in full awareness of his superiority.

  I slipped on my dressing gown and headed for the kitchen to make the drinks, Lady J was off to the stables first thing, and then this afternoon was what she called D. Day. Though I suppose it should be triple D. Day really since she had an invitation (for invitation read order) to take afternoon tea with Diana, the Dowager Duchess of Cheam. As they'd never met previously the invitation had come as something of a surprise

  I was secretly delighted as I'd have most of the day to wander around as I wanted.

  By 8.30 she'd left, bag of carrots in one hand and a tin of sweets for the grooms in the other. I quickly dressed in a pair of jeans and a thick sweater and headed for a walk round the garden. Down by the greenhouse I spotted Mellors and headed in his direction. He looked up, seemed to see me, and started to back pedal, rapidly disappearing behind the greenhouse as I raised a hand to wave.

  As I reached the greenhouse there was no sign of him. “Never mind,” I thought to myself and lit a cigarette. I jumped three feet in the air as a hand descended on my shoulder, thinking Lady J had returned and caught me. I landed back on my feet, turned slowly and came face to face with Edna. Dreaded Edna, a vision in green ski pants, purple jumper, yellow jacket and a red beret. I felt sick.

  “Mrs. Arbuthnott,” I started, “what a surprise.”

  “Edna please Lord David since we're going to be working so closely together.”

  Not too closely was my silent hope as I responded, “Thank you Edna, can I interest you in a cup of tea? And do just call me David won't you?”

  Understanding now why Mellors had back-pedalled so fast I put my cigarette out in the compost bin, took Edna's elbow and guided her back to the house. Directing her to make herself comfortable in the lounge I nipped into the kitchen to ask Grizelda for a tray of her coffee and some of her cake.

  “When you bring it through, perhaps you'd like to stay a while and join us?” I asked.

  “Ha!” she exclaimed, “is that because misery loves company? Not a chance!” she laughed.

  I won't tell you the word that ran through my head at that moment but needless to say it wasn't complimentary.

  I returned to the lounge to find Edna sitting on the edge of a settee looking remarkable nervous for such a self assured person.

  “Relax Edna” I told her, “you're not in the headmaster's study now. Coffee will be here soon.” At which point Grizelda walked through the door. (She didn't literally walk through the door, but the place where the now opened door had been).

  “Oh wonderful,” said Edna spying the cake.

  “Your coffee My Lord” said Grizelda and I could see she was suppressing the urge to laugh.

  “Thank you Grizelda, that will be all for now. I'll ring if I need you,” I said in my most imperious tone. Grizelda did a quick half curtsey and left. I saw her hand fly to her mouth to stifle an escaped giggle.

  “Erm, shall I be mother?” asked Edna and that was too much for me. I burst into laughter and told her “Edna, I didn't think anyone really said that in real life.” And in order to show her there was no malice intended
I smiled and said, “But it would be really nice if you poured us a cup to chat over.”

  She visibly relaxed, poured us both a cup and offered me a slice of cake. I declined but told her to dig in.

  She cut herself a piece and sat on the edge of the settee, cup in one hand cake in the other, wondering how she could have either without a free hand. I moved the coffee table a little closer to allow her to put one or the other down. She chose to put both down.

  “Lord... I mean David,” she said, “It's quite hard for me to be here like this.”

  “Oh I don't know,” I replied teasing her, “there is a chaperone available if you need one.”

  She smiled weakly at that and tried again. “Erm, it's because your good Lady wife said you'd help me.”

  “My Good Lady Wife!” I exclaimed, “You obviously don't know her very well. Listen Edna, relax and talk to me normally. I don't bite, well not often anyway, and I will help if I can. Just tell me why you've come today.”

  She sat back a little with her coffee in hand.

  “To be honest David, I was sure you would help me as Lady Julia told me you would. But, I wanted to know how to go about, ahem, getting myself a little better liked. More popular before an election.”

  At that point I bit my tongue and took a sip of coffee to prevent me saying “Impossible.”

  I had realised some time ago that Edna was the person who accused Lady J, or Julia as she was then, of damaging her car though it was she in fact who had run into us when we were parked. I knew she wasn't above using her husband's position to try and get her own way. Hearing her now though made me wonder if she wasn't quite the self assured person she seemed.